CyrexOsiris

2002-07-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

The end???

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Winston Churchill's words on the defeat of the Germans and Italians

Egypt, October 28, 1942

2002-07-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

2002-06-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

Points:-

A. (i) IQ : Understand apa yang sedang dibaca atau dipelajari melalui derai pemahaman...rasa...feel it...sentiment...feelings

B. EQ: Accept
(i) Things happen for a reason
(ii) Bersyukur pada apa yang yang ada / Simple as accepting things without any reason and just because you want to

C. Expectations Have no expectations for the future

2002-06-25T00:50:00.000-07:00

Exercise...

Once in a while your mind delivers negative messages to your feelings upon discovering an out of fit body condition. Such feeling creates an uncountable amount of dismotivating pulse that vibrates deep in my inner thoughts and produces this unwanted wrath to create change in a short amount of time which is not realisable looking at the given circumstances.

As a solution, I would tell myself that I was able to make it change once a few years ago...hard work...and it shall be realized at any point of time given I have the initiative to do so.

- I knew how to restrain myself from consuming a lot of food...blocked my appetite from enraging (rasa sedap)
- I knew the right kind of exercise for the exact results I would like to appear on myself
- Aku tidak peduli apa saja asalkan dapat kurus dan fit...sanggup mati dari nampak buruk...death theory
- this method enables me to outstand the pain suffered while working over the limit that has been set upon me

Current mood: all fired up

2002-06-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

Revelation of a new resolution...

Do it for the third time my dear, I shall leave you for eternity...forgetting all the memories and all that proofs upon your existence in my life. I have paid my dues to you...fulfilled a promise others my have relently deserted...and most of all...I have paid the biggest prize of leaving you with a child companion.

It is better to face death rather than facing it the third time...

Current mood: dissapointed but motivated

2002-06-23T19:41:00.000-07:00

Serving job

Like the title explains, my serving job started last night at this place i got tied up with through a help from my beloved girlfriend. It wasn't a wonderful job or something that might be enjoyable for most humans to do...but it pays some cash that is very needed in times like this. As I expected, graduating from college is not as fun as one thought for it to be...for we are on our infant step towards living on our own...meaning there shall be no more funds from ma and pa unless one desires to ignore any negative impressions from them and hurdle through the unpleasant feelings that might be bulked up upon us.

Having the necessity to survive on my own not being the first time obviously made it far more distorting although i have realized that i might not be the only person in reality to experience such phenomenon. But no matter how one could perceive such matter, it will more or less still hurt ourselves. The scars shall remain detect and never would be erasable by any ornaments generated by psychologist.

But gisted but the spirit of never wanting to give up...we shall go all the way.

Discovered an exceptionally outstanding quote from the film "Black Hawk Down" that goes:
"Rangers lead the way (SSgt. Emerson)...All the way(Chain of command lieutenant)"

Current mood: Stressed out for no known reason

2002-06-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

First job application

The main reason which elucidates my interest in seeking an employment with the "*** ******* ****** *****" is for me to gain more experience in my field of study. I feel that this organization will provide me with a good starting point in my career by offering the ability for me to explore my skills and work with other people who have extensive experience in my field of study. Last but not least, the position offered by the organization closely matches my interests and abilities hence persuading me to apply for the job position...

That's how brief a description could be on my job application form submitted to the HR office earlier today for this job position I found on a news ad. They want this and they want that...I give them both this and that...how about it...certainly felt lotsa releif after getting done with the first step in getting employed. Have been hunting for this position for almost three weeks and finally found one.

Also spoke to my previous employer last night and he gave me a serving spot at his restaurant...

Very low on cash at this point in time and need to find a source of income while looking for a real job which closely relates to my field of study.

Current mood: Happy

2002-06-21T02:03:00.000-07:00

Kate and Leopold...

5.00 am...

Theoratically speaking..."if you go to past in the future, then your future lies in the past, and that is a picture of you in the past in the future"...

Figure that out alright...haha

2002-06-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

Almost done with to do's...

3.29 p.m....found a spot at Grawn Computer Lab...not feeling very happy with the events that took place since the morning although I got to complete much of the requirements of my day...

Spoke to Dr. Gust my advisor at 1.15...directly went to the Dean's Office to get letters of recommendation for my job appliation...
Spoke to Nancy, the Executive Assistant to the Dean. She was really nice to me...gave me lots of information on what she could do to the best of my interest...

Headed for Anspach Hall lookin for my admired professor Dr. John Meixner but he wasn't in his office. Have to stop by later today or tomorrow morning if possible...

Quite unhappy with the outcome of my inquiries for a recommendation letter because I had to mnay assumptions in my mind feeling afraid of the much devastation that would be implied in the hearts of those who might be able to help me and also the ones who I put much respect on...but still I am trying my best not to think of the negative aspect of my ventures and move forward bravely...

In addition, I did not get enough sleep but that couldn't be a contributing factor. My emotions are the main reason why such unwanted feelings exists in me...simply because I portray them to be the way they are not supposed to be...

Will work harder on this matter...

2002-06-18T15:10:00.000-07:00

The journey begins...

5.46 pm Tuesday...

Weather's fine with the sun gone but not cold....just the way i wanted it to be...
I'll be on the road at half pass six...be heading for the other crib up north towards thirty miles reachin Clare...some land beyond imagination...why would I say that...such feelings started to evaporate from my broken heart...detonating such desires to reach out for freedom...freedom of expressions....such notion hardly existed inside me for the past few months...

Started missin my folks back home...this feelings shouldn't be here anymore...but it came without any invitations...

Shadows darkening in my crib...my bombshell's; should say that aloud for she's gonna rip my balls outta my head...start freakin me out more than she does herself...oh well...

Heard a roaring engine outside da crib...must be some nerdy maniac jamming his truck cause he's so bored with his day...

Have got to wait for the b'shell to get ready and get goin...the sun sure sets late down here...around 9 pm or later...never had such experience back home...one of the differentials annotating life's boundaries...thankful still i didn't end up in some war township like israel or palestine...any one of em' ain't so much of a fun place to be although they impress tour geeks and reporters with some pleasure of adventuring into the midst of anonymous event...

Relentless of what happens...life has to go on for everyone...though it easier to say than goin through the journey...

Alright...the lady's yellin let's go...let's go...have to be on my way...

Current mood: crampy

2002-06-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

Bad day...

Not in a really awesome mood right now...wrote for half an hour bout stuff and all of a sudden...this stupid mouse keyboard fucks up as it usually does...makin me suffer so very much...what a moron...can't you see i've had a bad day already...no need to add more sliver on the elehpant's cheek u bozzo!

The damn thing didn't reply cause it's a fuckin material for cryin out loud...what does it know about caring for her owner's feelings...it simply performs what's required upon and leaves the social responsibilities behind...how unethical...not a single virtue...all vices...

Spent $51 bucks on oil change...and realized that my oil filter wasn't bein replaced...WTF...at Jiffy Lube my brother...they should do better then that...talkin about having an ethical business practise...i guess i won't do that kinda shit once i have my own business...it is simply unethical to negate your social resonsibilities in achieving much better profit margin for your business...never go in accordance to Milton Friedman's ideas...capitalism cannot come first...although there might have been some proofs of businesses succeeding through this way...maintain moderation in the business process...put customer's satisfaction and social responsibilties towards society at first priority before thinking of makin profit...one of the four building blocks of businesses today...

why just think of money? We're not gonna bring them 7 feet down under with us...they're gonna change hands anyways...obviously like other i would truly want to enjoy a life full of luxury on earth...getting an A in my business ethics class does not mean i am an ethical person...although i have lotsa respect for Dr. James McGrath who thought me well...who treated me equal to others in the class...he was the best professor i've ever had...brought tears to my eyes when he spoke these few words to me:

"Amran...you're the kind of student that all professors would like to have in their class. I am sure you will perform well in any of your future undertakings"

After that...I went home then subsequently sat on my couch and tears was flowing from my eyes...i was so happy...after all it was a hard struggle for 16 weeks. But that was not the main reason why i had tears on my eyes...speaking on the truth...for once in my life...just for once...i had someone conversing words of motivation to me...giving me encouragement to move on and advance in reaching glory...

never told him what i wanted in life...never showed him any signs of wanting to reach that summit so very much...but he saw...he saw it...he saw it all...for cryin put loud again...this is a philosophy professor we're talking about here...specializing in Ethics, Applied Ethics, Ancient Philosophy, Logic, and The Philosophy of Physics. One who reads on Aristotle, Plato, and who knows all the big time philosophers on the ancient times...and he gave such appreciation for me being in his class..on me...a person who has nothing...does nothing but mistakes all the time along my life...never having the courage and confidence to pursue life's beauties...but only one thing i had that kept me from losing my chance in life...nothing else than pure hard work...i wasn't born to be smart like my sister, and three other step brothers and sisters...but i worked hard...

beleive it or not...anger is also a contributing factor as long as there exists a willingness to control it...if not then it can destroy such life...therefore be careful...for it can bring u to places being desired and undesired. there lies an opportunity cost of whether one would like to redeem themselves of such boundaries where some might perceive it as helpful for reaching dreams and ambition but some might experience the opposite side to the infinite amount of loss. "Semoga Ilahi melindungi hambanya yang telah sampai ke bahagian yang tidak dikehendaki" Never underestimate the destructing force of one's anger...for anyone could reach such levels once they permits themselves to such behavior hence destroying plenty of lives...history may have explained this paradox for those who paid attention to them...

my advice to those who are ambitious...never take such route for i have seen such destruction it may impose on the executer...
return to God and pass by thorugh the normal route where all human beings have gone through for centuries offering less risks than my way...

No one would have enjoyed knowing they've reached a dead end. All they can do then is to pray on God nothing worse would ever happen to them...

2002-06-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

Jose sad day...want you to know that I read what happened and felt bad too about what happened...just stay cool my friend.

Jose posted this on his journal at http://www.livejournal.com/users/pluckzz:-

6:37 pm - no talkie
finally i went to my dads.
and he was not there. .so i waited for like 3h.
after lunch i picked up my car and when i came back from doin so i saw him.
he was sitting on his usual, i love work, pose.
i told him about me gettin kicked out of school last semester and having to go to some other smaller school.
he started talking soflty and the wattage raised and raised as paragraphs grew longer. towards the end of the conversation he was shaking and furious. i dont know.. i wish i could fix everything .. but everytime i say i am .. i fuck up again and again. so wtf.
he compared me to my bro that kinda did the same as i did. and that kinda hurt.. cuz he really sux. but i sux more.i feel really bad that i have lied to my dad so much. i lie to much so much it hurtz. he also said that he was not gonna even gonna even gimme money for food if it all turns out wrong. ouch .. i just hate it cuz its all wrong already.
i will get the fuck to work on some stupid paperwork i gotta do b4 anything.

after talking to my dad. i smoked a cigarrete. and drove to my friends celi, paty, gaby.
i talked to paty for like 20 mins then celi came over and chatted with her.
i spoiled them to death, but they like hip hop now.
i love them mucho.

Right above is a picture of Jose Rafael Rivas my friend mowing his lawn. Got this one from your website...pretty awesome huh...auto changeable imaging display..create some havoc on da paradise!!!

Just want you to be strong Jose and I respected you for having the guts to face ur dad and face the consequences...you're the man brother!

2002-06-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Dream Cars...

There's no other car in the world sexier than this slick sporty...Chevrolet
Camaro Z28. My kind of car...ohhhh... yesss!

2002 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 Convertible...Like a rock!

My dad loves this jeep and one day I wish to buy him
one and make his day the best one ever...

My dad would enjoy driving this car very much...!

MONOCOQUE BODY: Drawing upon state-of-the-art aerospace technology, the new monocoque integrated body delivers a high level of structural strength and durability. The monocoque chassis not only makes the vehicle extremely durable, but also highly responsive. Its high torsional rigidity minimizes body flex and gives the vehicle precise handling, both on-road and off.

My girl, Lin, enjoys ramming this car!

Hey it's a smart car for people with bigdreams. Why? Have to figure that out by yourself...because mine came from inductive logic (theory of natural induction)!

Current mood: Neutral

2002-06-17T15:44:00.000-07:00

LONG DAY...

What a day it has been for me flying all over town since the morning woke me up. Felt very excited today actually having myself a new set of work clothes. Nautica khakis pants paired up with some italiano designed long-sleeved office shirt. Bought a color matching tie that goes along with the shirt...what a striking combination ain't that a yippikayeyyyyyyy!!!

Next comes the part of having myself standing in front of the MSU Federal Credit Union. The largest credit union for a university in the united states...offering job placement to approximately 225 employess of different race, religion, and u can figure it out for yourself what comes next! well, i was ready with my cover letter when the guy told me to back off and come back with the job application form filled up. Told my women it to go but she insisted for me to stay and fill it up right then and there. But it was not as simple as being thought requiring me to enlist several job references which requires more time including me to return back down to da HR office another day once i have all the criterias being met upon.

MSU Federal Credit Union by 600 East Crescent Road - was here today and did all required upon me to hit the gold mine

As for that, we called it a day and headed back to da house. Brought
my girl, Lin, to the hospital having myself dressed up in my new outfit...kinda saw me like a doctor myself in the matching tie-shirt-pants outfit! Felt pretty good...although also thought myself like a pimpin ain't no girl's gonna let lose herself once encountering big daddy dandan!

Oh well...what a day..music still going for puddle of mud...also creed...started likin' them back again since i saw their biography last week..."no pain, no gain my brother"...meaning of the message implied from the entertainment channel interview with its lead singer who i've forgotten what his name was. pretty crazed out about it and he kinds of resemble myself too in a sense when you compare his life and mine...although we lay upon different religious beleifs...like him...i left god and lost faith upon my creator at one point of time...just because of a tragic experience that was meant to test me on my inner strength. but as always...life is never perfect for any human being and even the best of all humans still felt pain in their inner seld...that is just because we're all god's creation and only in heaven shall we enjoy such infinite gain on all that we dream of.

As Dr. John Meixner explains on the "Lottery Paradox":

If you beleive in god and god does exists: then you shall experience an infinite amount of gain
If you beleive in god and god does not exists: then you shall experience a finite amount of loss
If you beleive don't beleive in god and god does exists: then you shall experience an infinite amount of loss
If you beleive don't beleive in god and god doesn't exists: then you shall experience a finite amount of gain

When asked upon myself what upon contemplating these few choice i may imply as what i beleive, i would say that i am a beleiver in the existence of god and no matter god exists or not...i would have an infinite amount of gain and a finite amount of loss which i beleive is non-existence since god really exists due to my worldly experience encountered during this almost 22 years of journey thru life.
Oh well...

Current mood:
very happy

2002-06-17T02:28:00.000-07:00

First touch!!!

Well...hello world....it's 5.21 a.m. and my women's pretty angry right now. Such a stubborn man she has...it been a few hours past bedtime...still don't wanna sleep...! Have a big day tomorrow ya know...have this whole new world to explore...perhaps sleeping should be permissible indeed.

Couldn't be better than this...found this awesome job posting on the newspaper...boggled my brains out going thru the process of writing my cover letter to this company...but felt like the luckiest man in da world having such a great women beside me encouraging me to never give up! "One cannot live a full lif without embracing love and support".

Had a free haircut from da women. such a lovely person...shampood my hair at the same time...never showed signs of distress...could not ask for more than this...also supporting me

Still feel excited with da red wings victory over carolina giving them the title win for 2002. Stanley Cup is back in hockey town...they deserved it more than ever...scotty bowmen..i salute you...the greatest coach ever!

Gotta go to bed. It's gettin really late now...sun's gonna show up in a few minutes...cannot procrastinate da sleep sessions...ya know...body needs some rest although doesn't feel like doin it...

Saw jose's journal of course before this...got motivated to have my own....better than having nothing...thanks to Jose Rafael Rivas for the inspiration...found this one as a free online journal...said to myself why not...one of the sudden change in my life...felt like this life is getting boring day by day...therefore need to find new ways of entertaining my inner self...enough of my bad habits with alcohol and the others that shouldn't be mentioned..unless u wanna get scrutinized by ur loved ones like never before haha...what a great life unlike the ones which u never had before...

"Strength does not come from physical capacity, but it comes from an indomitable will" - Mohandas Karamchand Ghandhi (died long time ago but his words lives on)

A picture of the big man himself...Mohandas Karamchand Ghandhi!

Current mood: satisfied